Flattery Is a Trap

At a competition, I asked a friend, someone truly exceptional at his craft, why he complimented his competitor by saying, “You’re doing really well.” The kid he complimented was just okay.

My friend’s response stuck with me:

That kid has high potential. If he gets such compliments from people like me, he’ll feel like he has made it. That feeling of achievement will lower the chance of him ever surpassing me.

That moment changed how I see praise.

It’s one of the reasons I often feel that people who congratulate me are two-faced. Too often, it feels performative, like they actually want to halt my growth.

If you really care about someone. Tell them:

• Where they suck
• Why they suck
• How they can be better

Growth comes from friction, feedback, and people who aren’t afraid to be honest.
“Good job” is the most dangerous phrase for growth.